splurby

all i can say is....

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:13:08 GMT

....bohemian rhapsody. performed by the muppets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY&feature=fvst

don't you hate it when....

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:59:07 GMT

... you go out to dinner for a few hours and your dog decides to try to blow up the house?

i swear, buddy, we'll be back! *please* don't play with the pretty knobs in the kitchen again. ever. you don't have to kill yourself over being left alone for an evening!

now isn't that clever....?

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 14:31:20 GMT

our office closes at 4:45 p.m.

at 5:06 p.m. yesterday, our illustrious it department sent out an e-mail message with detailed instructions on how we were to change our logins first thing in the morning, or else we wouldn't be able to access our e-mail.

ummmmm...yeah.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:10:38 GMT

i figured out this morning (around 5 a.m.) why kids are so scared to let anything hang off the side of the bed....or even get within 5 inches of the side of the bed, now that i think about it.

it's not that monsters are going to come up from the floor to try to eat them. this is *almost* true, and easy to misinterpret while still in a groggy half-sleep. however, the licking they feel on their hands isn't a hungry *monster*....it's really just a yellow, floppy eared *dog* who's looking for his morning reaffirmation of love.

"mom? are you awake? oh, you are! wanna pet me?"

he queue, she queue, ah we queue, i queue, you queue, ah they queue

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 22:01:56 GMT

so we have a netflix subscription. i have my queue, which is lots of thrillers and murder mysteries. i get two movies at a time.

the tall one has his queue, which is lots of sci-fi television and anime. he gets one movie at a time.

sometimes we watch each other's movies. or, rather, i'll put in one of my movies and he'll stick around for 15 minutes and then shake his head and leave. or he'll put in one of his movies, and i'll fall asleep on the couch after 15 minutes (or less if it's the new dr. who....then i'm often out before the theme song is over. i swear the dr. who theme song is the single best lullaby EVER.)

anyway, yesterday the tall one asked if i wanted to watch a movie. i said we could watch my movie, but not his movie, cuz his movies are no good. he asked what my movie was, and i couldn't remember, so i logged on to netflix (since i was at my computer) to see what had been shipped out recently, since we both got movies that morning.

and yes, it said:

Title            Ship date
Wanted      02/02/09
Wanted     02/02/09

the best part? we both hated it.

now that's dry....

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:33:38 GMT

noticed there was no fan in the bathroom of the denver hotel. wondered if there'd be lots of steam and thus mold in the tub. one minute after opening the door to the bathroom after a long, hot shower, steam was completely gone.

oh, yeah, it's *dry* here. they don't need bathroom fans.

bizarre.

12 plus 1 is 14....

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 01:28:40 GMT

...according to my hotel.

i'm in room 1409. but no matter how you look at it, there's still exactly 12 floors below me, so this is really the 13th floor, even if i do hit the 14 button in the elevator. can people not do that math on their own? i'm just saying....

today's public service announcement

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:58:17 GMT

a coworker just brought this to my attention....due to budget cuts, note that the RMV isn't sending reminder mail to you anymore, e.g. for when your license is about to expire. (from http://www.mass.gov/rmv/)

RMV MAILINGS
The RMV will eliminate courtesy notices that are sent to customers for the following services:

my dog has alot to say....

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 01:21:33 GMT

....more than i do, actually.

so i set him up with his own lj. that way people who aren't interested in dog stuff don't have to filter through it, and those who are can friend him.

so there you have it.

senator_bentley

the best cover letter EVER

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:20:24 GMT

so i'm looking for a new database person. again. these are my favorite things about the best cover letter EVER (which is below):

1. it reads extremely awkwardly.
2. it looks like he copied a sentence from a job description and put it word for word in his letter. ("in addition, the candidate will...")
3. it's *not even the qualifications I posted*, which included "attention to detail is imperative."
4. this bozo got a master's degree?!?!

awesome.

btw, if you know anyone who's remotely qualified, my posting is for the information systems coordinator position on jobs.wit.edu .

******

To Whom It May Concern:

Greetings. I am writing to you for an Information Technology opportunity.

The accomplishments include the installation and implementation of an Enterprise Resource Planning system for public utilities. The experience includes several large implementation projects both domestically and internationally. In addition, the candidate will have several years experience in the installation of integrated student, human resource,
and financial information systems.

The academic achievements include a graduate degree as a Master’s of Business
Administration. The academic pursuits include current a doctorate degree. The club associations include membership in the PROS Toastmaster International.

The work experience and educational background are the strong qualifications for the opportunity.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
xxxxnameremovedtoprotecttheunintelligentxxx, MBA

wouldn't it be cool to see a helper monkey....

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:52:58 GMT

...pushing around a cart and buying groceries?

...driving a car?

...preparing its own meal?

...walking the dog?

...vacuuming?

...mowing the lawn?

the senator's philosophy....

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:39:08 GMT

according to senator bentley q. noseworthy, if it's good enough to sniff, it's good enough to roll around in. this includes, but is not limited to:

* dead animals
* pine tree sap
* dogpoop

mmmmmdelicious.

out on patrol

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:03:02 GMT

little girl (about 3 years old): doggie!

curly one: he's very friendly. you can pet him if you're gentle.

girl slowly walks over, fingers covered in frosting: doggie!

curly one: the doggie might try to lick your fingers.

little girl goes back to mommy to clean fingers. then returns to gently pat the doggie, who is already lying down on the sidewalk waiting for some pets.

little girl, pointing: what's that?

curly one: that's a bowl of water in case the doggie gets thirsty.

little girl: ohhhhh.

a few minutes later, the little girl dumps out the water on the sidewalk, which gets the doggie's hindquarters all wet. doggie doesn't seem to notice. little girl's father is mortified.

little girl: i gave the doggie a drink!

curly one: that's nice, but he drinks from the *other* end.

meet senator bentley q. noseworthy

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 21:17:02 GMT

doggie!

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 13:59:58 GMT

i'm getting a doggie!

next saturday!

let the pets begin!!!!!

this is my favorite headline of the week....

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:05:09 GMT

italy's heavy metal monk releases second album

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7513571.stm

i should mention that the guy is 62. that makes it even better.

all i have to say is...

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:28:11 GMT

....joss whedon's 'dr. horrible's sing-along blog'.

starring neil patrick harris and nathan fillian.

http://www.drhorrible.com/

kitty!

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 14:20:39 GMT

as i was walking in to work this morning, i passed by a house with a wooden fence in front of it. at the far end, on the post, there was a big fuzzy cat lying down. "kitty!" i thought.

then i got to the other end of the fence, and there was another big fuzzy cat lying down on the other post, in the exact same position. "oh, guardian kitties!" just like the lion statues you see outside of buildings. i think they thought they looked like this:

http://www.china-hongkong-travelguide.com/image-files/hong-kong-shanghai-bank-04.jpg

woo hoo!

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 15:28:02 GMT

my office is doing flex days for the next two months....no more working on mondays for me until late august!

woo hoo!

and they're giving us july 3 off, too.

yes!!!!

is it just me....

Fri, 23 May 2008 12:49:55 GMT

...or does this sound like an article from the onion rather than the bbc?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7416120.stm

wow....

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 22:11:50 GMT

....just wow.

man regrows finger from "pixie dust":

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7354458.stm

palm trees!

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:18:23 GMT

palm trees!

in ireland!

who knew?

feeding the kitty

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:04:39 GMT

tall one: we have to go over to a friend's house to feed his cat.

curly one: does the cat eat dry food or disgustful wet stuff?

tall one: i don't know.

curly one: you don't know? do you know *where* the food is?

tall one: no, but we'll find it.

curly one: mmmmm....okay. do you know how *much* to feed the cat?

tall one: it's a *cat*. we feed it. it'll be fine.

curly one: mmmmm....okaay.

***now at friend's house.***

curly one goes to living room and pets cat, figuring the feeding is all up to the tall one, who obviously has it completely under control. tall one goes into the kitchen. curly one hears every single cabinet being opened and closed for the next few minutes.

tall one (repeatedly as doors are opened and closed): no cat food here. where's the cat food? (to the cat): can you show me where your food is?

curly one stays in the living room, so tall one won't hear giggling.

tall one: oh, here it is.

curly one then hears the sound of millions of pieces of catfood hitting the floor.

tall one: oh, well. the cat'll clean it up.

curly one tries not to laugh out loud.

sounds of a vacuum cleaner come from the kitchen.

curly one cries from laughing.

cheap cell service?

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:34:16 GMT

my cousin is moving to boston for the next year, and is looking for a good deal on cheap all-you-can-call cell phone deals. suggestions?

now this is cool

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 21:24:59 GMT

i just heard from a friend about the modular "luke arm", the newest creation by segway creator dean kamen. technology is so neat!

watch the video