Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
i'm just saying.....
....passed by an ice cream truck yesterday that was playing the final song to swan lake.
gives me images of little kids holding an ice cream cone and dropping off a cliff.....
(mis)spelling is fun!
latest e-mail from my mom reads:
i *love* this image.
made me think, "that word. i do not think it means what you think it means."
some people don't *quite* get it....
....so there's this person that works in another department of my school. and let's just say that he's been an employee for a *very* long time, and he's not so good with technology. so, after *many* years, his staff finally convinced him that when he's not in the office, he really should turn on his out of office assistant in outlook. they showed him how to turn it on, and where to type up the message that people will receive when they send him an e-mail while he's out.
then he goes on vacation, and here's his first out of office message:
"Thank you for your message. I'll be out of the office on vacation until February 18. If this is an emergency, please press 1."
and verily, the lord said....
....And the snow shall fall. and it shall fall on thy houses, and thine neighbors' houses. and it shalt beget more snow, which shalt beget ice, which shalt beget sleet, which shalt beget a wintry mix, which shalt beget more snow. and the snow shalt blow into massive drifts that shalt cover thy yard. and thou shalt observe the second sabbath, where thou shalt not go to work, but rather thou shalt pray to me through shoveling a pile that shalt be 9 feet tall and shalt turn to an ice mountain to attest to my glory. and although thy back will strain, thou must shovel. and thy dog shalt look longingly at thine poop tree. But for 40 days and 40 nights there shalt be no poop tree, for the yard is verily unpassable with snow. but after 40 days and 40 nights, the snow will part, and the poop tree will again be thine.
skool's out forever.....
....so there's a private school at the bottom of the hill near my house. due to declining enrollment, it's closing its doors for good this year. (the tall one's excited by the anticipation of less traffic at the bottom of the hill now that people won't be dropping off kids for school.)
as we were driving by this morning, the tall one noticed a sign in the window:
gradation june 15
tall one: do you think that means school's out for all the students on the 15th?
curly one: probably. do you think they're closing because they don't know that graduation has a u in it?
tall one: well, at least pre-kindergarteners can't spell yet, anyways.
and today's misread headline is....
....More than 1 million baby siblings recalled
this one had a defect! take it back! i want to be an only kid!
actual headline: More than 1 million baby *slings* recalled
my mother would be so proud....
so, for the last few days, i've been craving beef. this often happens right after i've been sick for a few days, like i was on monday.
anyways, let's just say that i've eaten enough red meat in a single sitting --both last night and the night before-- that i've gotten raised eyebrows from the tall one.
as we finished eating last night's korean barbeque, i told him that i thought my meaty-meat craving was sated. but i guess i was wrong, because last night i dreamed that i was on a quest to find the Tastiest Bacon In The World. i found it on some farm somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and i asked the farmer how he made the Tastiest Bacon In The World.
"the secret," he whispered to me, "is that you have to have free range, solely 100% grass-fed cows."
"ah," i nodded wisely. "grass-fed. that's the key."
it didn't occur to me until about an hour after i woke up that bacon doesn't come from cows.
i can safely say this is my first dream ever that included bacon, and it still managed to be kosher....my mother would be so proud!
all i can say is....
....bohemian rhapsody. performed by the muppets.
don't you hate it when....
... you go out to dinner for a few hours and your dog decides to try to blow up the house?
i swear, buddy, we'll be back! *please* don't play with the pretty knobs in the kitchen again. ever. you don't have to kill yourself over being left alone for an evening!
now isn't that clever....?
our office closes at 4:45 p.m.
at 5:06 p.m. yesterday, our illustrious it department sent out an e-mail message with detailed instructions on how we were to change our logins first thing in the morning, or else we wouldn't be able to access our e-mail.
i figured out this morning (around 5 a.m.) why kids are so scared to let anything hang off the side of the bed....or even get within 5 inches of the side of the bed, now that i think about it.
it's not that monsters are going to come up from the floor to try to eat them. this is *almost* true, and easy to misinterpret while still in a groggy half-sleep. however, the licking they feel on their hands isn't a hungry *monster*....it's really just a yellow, floppy eared *dog* who's looking for his morning reaffirmation of love.
"mom? are you awake? oh, you are! wanna pet me?"
he queue, she queue, ah we queue, i queue, you queue, ah they queue
so we have a netflix subscription. i have my queue, which is lots of thrillers and murder mysteries. i get two movies at a time.
the tall one has his queue, which is lots of sci-fi television and anime. he gets one movie at a time.
sometimes we watch each other's movies. or, rather, i'll put in one of my movies and he'll stick around for 15 minutes and then shake his head and leave. or he'll put in one of his movies, and i'll fall asleep on the couch after 15 minutes (or less if it's the new dr. who....then i'm often out before the theme song is over. i swear the dr. who theme song is the single best lullaby EVER.)
anyway, yesterday the tall one asked if i wanted to watch a movie. i said we could watch my movie, but not his movie, cuz his movies are no good. he asked what my movie was, and i couldn't remember, so i logged on to netflix (since i was at my computer) to see what had been shipped out recently, since we both got movies that morning.
and yes, it said:
Title Ship date
the best part? we both hated it.
now *that's* dry....
noticed there was no fan in the bathroom of the denver hotel. wondered if there'd be lots of steam and thus mold in the tub. one minute after opening the door to the bathroom after a long, hot shower, steam was completely gone.
oh, yeah, it's *dry* here. they don't need bathroom fans.
12 plus 1 is 14....
...according to my hotel.
i'm in room 1409. but no matter how you look at it, there's still exactly 12 floors below me, so this is really the 13th floor, even if i do hit the 14 button in the elevator. can people not do that math on their own? i'm just saying....
today's public service announcement
a coworker just brought this to my attention....due to budget cuts, note that the RMV isn't sending reminder mail to you anymore, e.g. for when your license is about to expire. (from http://www.mass.gov/rmv/)
my dog has alot to say....
....more than i do, actually.
so i set him up with his own lj. that way people who aren't interested in dog stuff don't have to filter through it, and those who are can friend him.
so there you have it.
the best cover letter EVER
so i'm looking for a new database person. again. these are my favorite things about the best cover letter EVER (which is below):
1. it reads extremely awkwardly.
2. it looks like he copied a sentence from a job description and put it word for word in his letter. ("in addition, the candidate will...")
3. it's *not even the qualifications I posted*, which included "attention to detail is imperative."
4. this bozo got a master's degree?!?!
btw, if you know anyone who's remotely qualified, my posting is for the information systems coordinator position on jobs.wit.edu .
To Whom It May Concern:
Greetings. I am writing to you for an Information Technology opportunity.
The accomplishments include the installation and implementation of an Enterprise Resource Planning system for public utilities. The experience includes several large implementation projects both domestically and internationally. In addition, the candidate will have several years experience in the installation of integrated student, human resource,
and financial information systems.
The academic achievements include a graduate degree as a Master’s of Business
Administration. The academic pursuits include current a doctorate degree. The club associations include membership in the PROS Toastmaster International.
The work experience and educational background are the strong qualifications for the opportunity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
wouldn't it be cool to see a helper monkey....
...pushing around a cart and buying groceries?
...driving a car?
...preparing its own meal?
...walking the dog?
...mowing the lawn?
the senator's philosophy....
according to senator bentley q. noseworthy, if it's good enough to sniff, it's good enough to roll around in. this includes, but is not limited to:
* dead animals
* pine tree sap
out on patrol
little girl (about 3 years old): doggie!
curly one: he's very friendly. you can pet him if you're gentle.
girl slowly walks over, fingers covered in frosting: doggie!
curly one: the doggie might try to lick your fingers.
little girl goes back to mommy to clean fingers. then returns to gently pat the doggie, who is already lying down on the sidewalk waiting for some pets.
little girl, pointing: what's that?
curly one: that's a bowl of water in case the doggie gets thirsty.
little girl: ohhhhh.
a few minutes later, the little girl dumps out the water on the sidewalk, which gets the doggie's hindquarters all wet. doggie doesn't seem to notice. little girl's father is mortified.
little girl: i gave the doggie a drink!
curly one: that's nice, but he drinks from the *other* end.
meet senator bentley q. noseworthy
i'm getting a doggie!
let the pets begin!!!!!
this is my favorite headline of the week....
italy's heavy metal monk releases second album
i should mention that the guy is 62. that makes it even better.
all i have to say is...
....joss whedon's 'dr. horrible's sing-along blog'.
starring neil patrick harris and nathan fillian.
as i was walking in to work this morning, i passed by a house with a wooden fence in front of it. at the far end, on the post, there was a big fuzzy cat lying down. "kitty!" i thought.
then i got to the other end of the fence, and there was another big fuzzy cat lying down on the other post, in the exact same position. "oh, guardian kitties!" just like the lion statues you see outside of buildings. i think they thought they looked like this: